Wait to pick your bridesmaids until you see who WANTS to help you with the wedding and who is actively involved already!
What to look for in a potential bridesmaid candidate:
- Have they reached out to you with how they can help with your wedding planning?
One bridesmaid made me an entire wedding book, days after I got engaged. As well as a “Feyonce” shirt. She was just as excited for me and my wedding as I was! Another girl started making my bridal shower decor before I even asked her to be a bridesmaid. Let whoever is interested to be a bridesmaid come to you!
- Do they have the time? -Are they’re overwhelmed with school, work hours, or big projects?
Sometimes we just have too much going on in our lives to be able to handle such a task and that’s okay. Please let the bride know before letting them down over and over by breaking commitments. It’s also a little difficult if they aren’t in your same city/town. They need to make time for your rehearsal dinner, bachelorette, dress hunting, bridal shower, and etc.
- Do they have the finances to be a bridesmaid?
We aren’t just talking about buying their bridesmaid dress here. A lot comes into play such as hosting your bridal shower, planning your bachelorette, and possibly giving up some work days for any events. Included in bridesmaids costs are hair, make up, shoes, nails, the dress, accessories, and etc. The average cost to be a bridesmaid is $1,500. Believe me, the little things add up!
- Do they know the duties of a bridesmaid?
Most likely, they will say yes before they know what they’re actually getting themselves into. Think about what you want from them, and let them know what you expect from them right away. They should help with wedding planning such as picking bridesmaid dress ideas, hair, make up, help plan the bridal shower and bachelorette. Brides maids also have tasks the day of the wedding which can include running last minute errands for the bride, serving as a hostess during the reception, inviting people to sign the guestbook, showing the guests where to sit and where the bar is, hitting the dance floor (NEVER LET THE BRIDE DANCE ALONE), purchase a wedding present, be a good sport, DON’T EVER COMPLAIN (especially the day of)! Most importantly, provide emotional support. (I will further go into more detail on this topic in a later post.)
- Are they someone who you don’t mind having in your pictures forever?
Picking your lifetime friends or family is the best way to go. Picking a bridesmaid that’s a new friend probably isn’t the best idea. She has yet to prove her loyalty to you because honestly that takes time. If they’re too into their self, they most likely won’t be a good candidate for a bridesmaid. You don’t need someone talking about “When I have a wedding, I’m going to blablabla…”. Yeah, stay away from that person. That person will be the same person to kill your happy mood on your wedding day by saying something negative. No negative Nancy’s. Also if they’ve walked away from you in the past, most likely they will do it again at some point.
- Are they old enough?
Honestly, my sister is younger than me and I made the mistake of making her a Maid of Honor. She didn’t have a job or money to play the role, and she was young. I don’t think she fully understood the importance of staying organized, planning events, taking charge, and contacting the other bridesmaids. I love her, but this part is true. (This all boils down to the kind of bride you are, what’s important to you, and your expectations) If you’re okay with someone just showing up the day of the wedding then by all means pick them, but I had high expectations. A mistake I also made was to not include my other sister as well. You can’t have one sister as a bridesmaid and the other not..totally not fair.
- Do they genuinely care about you and your husband?
I had unofficial bridesmaids helping me on my wedding day. Asking me “How can I help?” they cleaned my house while I went on my honeymoon, greeted guests at the wedding, put my veil on, making sure I looked my best, and that my hair was in place. Stay away from a bridesmaid that hasn’t accepted your husband. You need someone who supports yall’s love 100%.
I could go on and on about what to consider in a bridesmaid, but ultimately it all comes down to your expectations and what’s important to you. Make a checklist and talk about them with your girls.
You can wait 6 months before your wedding to actually chose your bridesmaids. It’s totally okay.